Single mom dating patience key
“They always thought they’d find the right partner to do it with, but when that doesn’t happen, the urge for parenting doesn’t go away.” Multiple adoption professionals say this small but perceptible uptick isn’t reflected in the numbers because of the industry’s shoddy approach to record keeping.There’s no national database where adoption workers can log their cases and study national adoption trends.When I ask him about his day at preschool, he gives me a bashful smile and turns away, instead letting Eli answer for him: “He had a good day.” “He’s shy,” Lippa explains. He informs us immediately about his day at camp — they made “no-bake cookies” — and how unexcited he is for tomorrow’s activities.“I have a trip that’s not gonna be fun at all,” he groans. ” The most marked difference between Eli and AJ, however, is how Lippa came to adopt them.“We’re going swimming on Thursday; that’s gonna be fun! AJ’s adoption was “private” — his biological mother became pregnant with him at just fourteen years old — and Lippa’s had him since his birth in July 2012.Eli was adopted through foster care, and his background is more obscure.It’s the only way he can keep an eye on the kids, he explains — which, when you have two single-digit-aged boys with small, hyperactive bladders, can make for many full-family trips to the restroom. He knew what he would be getting himself into (kind of) and forged ahead anyway.This raises the obvious, but nonetheless essential, question: Why did he do it?
It’s the simple things you take for granted.” Like going out to eat, he says. What makes Lippa’s single fatherhood remarkable is that it was, and is, entirely elective.
And yet adoption specialists from across the country anecdotally attest to a marked increase in adoption by single men.
“Men are realizing now, kind of like women did fifteen years ago, that they want to be single parents,” says Robyn Harrod, senior director of programs at the Southern California Foster Family and Adoption Agency.
This has encouraged more single men, who have historically avoided and/or been left out of the adoption process, to consider going it alone.
“Single men thought they would be excluded from the adoption process simply because they were single,” Hochman said.
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If Lippa weren’t so exceedingly earnest and kind in that uniquely Southern way — he uses “gosh,” instead of “god,” for instance — I’d consider his answer a brush-off. No matter how many times I ask why he chose this life for himself (or how I ask it), every time, the answer is always the same: “I’ve just always wanted kids.” * * * rom 2000 to 2013, single men were responsible for only three percent of public adoptions in the United States, making them the second-smallest demographic among the adopting population — just behind “unmarried couples,” according to the Administration for Children and Families, a division within the Department of Health & Human Services.