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“The greater the shock of the loss, the longer it takes to recover.”But why would men be less prepared than women?In Brown’s estimations, it comes down to knowing just how attached you are to your partner — a cognizance that may more easily manifest in women than men.“Women tend to recover faster because they know how attached they are to their partners, so the shock isn't as great,” says Brown.
He said he wanted something serious, and after a few intense dates, he said he wanted that with me. But after a few months, it became evident that Brad, however eager to settle down, would never be able to commit to me. Yes, Brad, pushing 40, was still hung up on a girl he’d been with in high school. Another guy I’d dated was seemingly over the girlfriend that had left him, but if ever she came up in conversation, he’d become so melancholy I’d have to leave him be for a good 15 minutes to stare longingly into space.
Still, men (and women, surely) should seek help if they can’t process that a relationship ended, or if they’re having genuine trouble moving on even once they’ve given time to mourn it.
And if men are hung up on past loves, their new or prospective partners probably don’t want to behave the way I sometimes did.
“The pain is still there, to be sure, but it typically doesn't last as long because women intuitively know what the magnitude of the loss will be if things don't work out.”In all this dissecting, it’s important to note that men are not less emotional than women, but rather they may be less equipped with emotional support. Richard Matzkin, a former men’s therapy group leader and the author of "Loving Promises: The Master Class For Creating Magnificent Relationship," asserts that it’s more a matter of women “being more in touch with their emotions” and more “emotionally durable."Traditionally, society encourages women to talk about their relationships with one another, while men are often encouraged to “man up,” as it were, and not submit to feelings. Is it any wonder they may bubble up years later when they’re trying to love again?
This same thinking — that men should buck up — can also dissuade men from seeking counseling or therapy or even, simply, deep conversations with other men.